VMA’s are to the Razzies as Lady Gaga is to Cher

 

Well, that’s it. Not only did I get my AARP application in the mail this month, but last night as I begrudgingly watched the VMA Awards and found myself saying things like, “Back in my day MTV showed videos!” and “Artists aren’t talented anymore.” or since when is a meat bikini fashion?”

 I mean come on… I know damn good and well you went to the plastic flower section of Michael’s, spray painted some gold leaves and hot glued them to your bad wig! Sorry Gaga, your still not the cool kids at the party! I had intended to review the fashions on the red carpet and performances at last night’s awards, but I wrote 2 notes and decided I had nothing to say. It was painful to watch the trainwrecked white carpet. No fashions, no organization and no stars! Funny how they change venues every year in an attempt to class up the show; it’s not working and we’re not buying it! The whole thing made me feel so old! I had only heard of like 3 of the nominees… In a not-so-ironic twist those were the same 3 that took home all the awards.

The only performances worth mentioning were Chelsea Handler’s Hot Tub VD Machine bit, Taylor Swift’s high school cat fight song to Kayne (it really was a good song) and the saving grace of the night, Florence and The Machine. I mean who is Robyn? Yeah, Pink called….she wants her look and that aweful imitation of her performance back…Then poor ole Rhianna should be thanking Eminem for rapping loud enough to drown out her tone-def performance! I’m not even sure how they determine these videos. It should be called the You Tube Awards because I don’t ever see videos on MTV. So where were the big names last night? The big talent?  Guess they’re all waiting for the Grammys. Sorry MTV, you can take your moon-man, your Cribs and your “there-is-an-ointment-for-that” Jersey Shore and stick it!

Hmmm, turns out I did have something to say…

1 degree of separation

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Social Network, posted with vodpod

 

I am officially 1 degree of separation from ….wait for it….

A couple of years ago while living in “they don’t call it Sin City for nothing” Las Vegas, I was hired to do hair and makeup for a VP at American Express. She was hosting a discussion panel of big-name entrepreneurs for the AMX Plum Card through NBC Universal at CES (Consumer Electronics Show). I was there with stylist Christie Moeller and a couple other artists. So I did the hair and makeup at the clients’ hotel then drove to the LVCC. The Las Vegas Convention Center is a monster 2 million sq ft of convention center. Every January 100,000 plus people converge on Las Vegas to CES to see all the latest tech gadgets for the year. Hang in there, this gets good! The set-up is huge and awesome, but…and there’s always a but… I have to roll 80lb’s of gear across the thickest carpet on the planet for close to ¼ mile. I will be backstage so of course I have to wear all black and be presentable, so you know I’m in heels. Style before comfort! I arrive a hot, sweaty mess. But who is there to greet me? Why, it’s host of NBC Nightly News, Brian Williams! He is tall, charming, handsome, hilarious and unusually tan for January. Hmm. Next, I unpack in the makeup room, which is nothing more that a makeshift attic without A/C, so those black clothes are working well (or not). A little powder and he is off to do a live broadcast of the news from the Universal booth. A motley crew of well dressed, techies have just arrived and the cutest one sits in my chair and simply introduces himself as Sean. I did makeup for 20 minutes before someone announces he is the co-founder of Napster and founding CEO of Facebook, Sean Parker! When we’re done and ready to walk to set Sean asks me to hold his glasses during the show; which would not be out of the ordinary in my line of work. I reluctantly took his wiry, spindly delicate frame thinking to myself, “Oh great, what if I break his bajillion dollar glasses and have to buy him new ones?” So while we wait there is another guy sitting in another artists’ chair who has created something equally amazing like Google or Yahoo, can’t remember. He turns to us and says, “Tell them the story about those glasses she’s holding.” Someone else yells, “Bring the talent to set!” So as he goes onto stage, Sean Parker turns to me and says in a nonchalant tone, “Yeah, I’m good friends with Sean Lennon. He gave me these. They were his dads’….” WHAT? John Lennon’s glasses in my hand? For 45 minutes I sat nervously holding what should probably be in the Smithsonian; terrified like a new valet driver parking a Bentley; praying I didn’t drop them, lose them or what if someone tried to snatch them away from me? It was an awesome day at the office and the icing on the cake? Justin Timberlake will play Sean Parker in the new movie The Social Network. I’m not sure how he will be portrayed but I’ll still hope for Oscar gold! Check out this trailer for the movie that premiers September 24^th and opens in theatres October 1^st.