Well, that’s it. Not only did I get my AARP application in the mail this month, but last night as I begrudgingly watched the VMA Awards and found myself saying things like, “Back in my day MTV showed videos!” and “Artists aren’t talented anymore.” or since when is a meat bikini fashion?”

 I mean come on… I know damn good and well you went to the plastic flower section of Michael’s, spray painted some gold leaves and hot glued them to your bad wig! Sorry Gaga, your still not the cool kids at the party! I had intended to review the fashions on the red carpet and performances at last night’s awards, but I wrote 2 notes and decided I had nothing to say. It was painful to watch the trainwrecked white carpet. No fashions, no organization and no stars! Funny how they change venues every year in an attempt to class up the show; it’s not working and we’re not buying it! The whole thing made me feel so old! I had only heard of like 3 of the nominees… In a not-so-ironic twist those were the same 3 that took home all the awards.

The only performances worth mentioning were Chelsea Handler’s Hot Tub VD Machine bit, Taylor Swift’s high school cat fight song to Kayne (it really was a good song) and the saving grace of the night, Florence and The Machine. I mean who is Robyn? Yeah, Pink called….she wants her look and that aweful imitation of her performance back…Then poor ole Rhianna should be thanking Eminem for rapping loud enough to drown out her tone-def performance! I’m not even sure how they determine these videos. It should be called the You Tube Awards because I don’t ever see videos on MTV. So where were the big names last night? The big talent?  Guess they’re all waiting for the Grammys. Sorry MTV, you can take your moon-man, your Cribs and your “there-is-an-ointment-for-that” Jersey Shore and stick it!

Hmmm, turns out I did have something to say…